I recently took a training on taming your EQ / Emotional Quotient at my workplace. This article is some of the notes/lessons learned from the training. It really was an insightful training.

Be self-aware:

Questions to ask yourself:

  1. Are you a pessimist or an optimist?
  2. Are you overly pessimistic/optimistic? If yes, find a balance.
  3. Are you being good to people.?
  4. Talk to people directly more than you IM / Facebook. (Otherwise, you will forget to feel others feelings and end up recognizing emoticons / only if the person tells you)
  5. Approach people with empathy/trust to connect/influence them.

Be aware of others:

Emotions in facial expressions only last for .5 seconds. Learn to read them. If you don’t react to other people’s emotions that doesn’t make you a good communicator!

Value others emotions, and how to transform them by using the below technique:

VET – Validate, Explore, Transform.

Ask questions to drive others emotions to positivity.


  1. I sense you are feeling…
  2. I get the sense you are…


  1. Hey, whats really bothering you about?
  2. What is the underlying fear/anger/disappointment?


  1. What are you going to do now?
  2. How are you going to tackle this?

For your family life – Bringing up kids:

  1. Let them express their emotions – don’t conceal them or ask them to not to show.
  2. If they are angry, let them be angry. – Use VET to transform
  3. If they are happy let them laugh/giggle out loud.
  4. If they are afraid of something, Use VET to transform

Validate, ask questions to drive them towards fearlessness rather than being blunt and saying (it’s just a cockroach) vs say (why are you afraid? …. Why do feel scared about that? … etc.)